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John and Shelli certainly understood what porn was costing them.“Accept an impossible appetite and an impossible standard, and it steals from the true beauty of what marriage is supposed to be,” John says. Who wants to grow old together in a culture where all we honor is what’s young? Pornography doesn’t teach men to serve, honor, and cherish their wives in a way that fosters romance.
“Everything that we had had prior to that felt artificial…that I was believing a lie, that I didn’t know him, and I didn’t know who he really was, and the way he felt about me was a big lie.” John and Shelli Mandeville share part of their story on the documentary .Others train their minds to be turned on by certain physical characteristics.Others train their minds to expect variety: many images, many women, many physical types.If we receive a steady diet of media that portrays illicit sex as the norm, it is easy to get the impression that “boys will be boys.” How a woman reacts to her husband using pornography is based in part on what she believes healthy sexuality and relationships should look like in the first place.So, what if, just for a minute, we asked ourselves how our relationships look if we didn’t live in a pornified culture.
Pornography trains men to be consumers, to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order. Mary Anne Layden writes, “It is toxic miseducation about sex and relationships.” Dr. He has, in effect, been castrated visually.” We might say the real problem with pornography isn’t that it shows us too much sex, but that it can’t show us enough about what real sex is.